I do not know where this came from but I have decided that I am not going to hide anymore. I am not going to lie to my work mates about why I have not been in or friends at church for the same reason. I have posted on my blog about being in IOP and group and wanting to set u some sort of group for men locally, I even posted the same thing on my Facebook page screw them if they can not handle it I have had too for 55 years. ok nuff said for now

To many children end up in Juvey or jail because they are treated like criminals




http://www.salon.com/2013/08/15/far_too_many_kids_move_from_foster_care_into_the_sex_trade_partner/

Men and ASA help or should say What ASA help!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in the process of gathering information and contacts to set up some sort of outreach for men where I live. I am still in therapy myself so doing it right now would probably push me over the edge but at least I am gathering my eggs so I can proceed when the time is right. Where I am going to IOP: “Intensive Out Patient Therapy” there is a ASA,,” Adult Survivors’ of Abuse”  consular who agrees there needs to be something more and is going to help me. Part of the problem is ourselves we do not report. We suck it up hell nothing can hurt us we are men big strong John Wayne tough guys. Bull CACA!!!

I think and this is only my thinking that we need to help the younger generation to stay strong and tough but to also realize there will be times in there life it is OK to ask for help. How do we do that I have not the faintest idea I will leave that for the brainiacs. 

What do we do now for  men is to get groups formed dealing with men and their issues and yes I know they are going to be pretty lonely for a while but I am hoping with good advertising and exposure more men might reach out for help. OK enough of me rambling.

Have the best day you can I am trying to!

I am going to add a couple links to websites that have helped me and I hope they will help someone else

https://1in6.org/

malesurvivor.org

http://pandys.org/

https://www.1bluestring.org/     for the musicians 

The Edges start

Starting this piece I know will be a shock to some laughter to others but this is how I became who I am. And sorry to my English teachers I have horrible punctuation.

I remember working with my brother in law and not being fast enough for him. I was breaking 50 pound bags of sand into a pot connected to a compressor, connected to a 2 inch hose  he was using to sand blast a steel girder.  Well Ronnie being Ronnie, he would start name calling with stuff like "Come on you little faggot I can get girls to work faster". I really never knew what it was he was complaining about the pot was never empty and he never had to wait on me. I would keep 200 pounds of sand in the pot at all times. Oh did I mention I was 12 at the time? This was not even my first job. That my dear droogies is another tale to tell.

When I was young I did stupid stuff like most kids and an example would be drawing target on my bedroom door and I would use that for my knife throwing practice. Well one day my mom and the landlord where going through the apartment discussing little problems when they saw light coming from my closed door. they proceeded to open it and the yelling started my mother in Irish and "Mr Baker" in German. So after the beating I got from my mother it was decided that I would work for Mr "Baker" to pay for a new door. Mr "Baker" was a baker and the bakery was attached to the front of our apartment. Mom would wake me up at 4 30 and kick me out the door and Mr "Baker" would kick me in the door of the bakery. I was assigned to make dough for doughnuts and pastry. after that was made I was then given a scraper and had to get on the floor and scrape up the dough that had fallen and gotten walked and worn onto the floor.I would try and stay away from the oven and would get caught and told to clean extra good around that. One time as I was sweating up a storm and  I look up and Mr "Baker" pulls a Pepsi out of the cooler and takes a nice long  sip looks at me and say "ah Das is gud" put the Pepsi back in the cooler and laughed at me.

Because I was fatherless I guess Mr "Baker" decided he would be my mentor. One of the first things he did was to give me a copy of Mien Kamph to read and he would test me on it. Oh I did not mention that Mr "Baker" was a Hitler youth.... I had Mr "Baker"s name in my post but thought I better take that out and I replaced it with as you saw Mr Baker hope it was not to much of an annoyance.

4 little words

I saw a video the other day by a 19 year old who stood in front of a large crowd and admitted that he suffers from depression. I admire him for this and he has given me the courage to say the 4 little words.

I Suffer From Depression, I have most of my life and have basically self medicated but all that ended when I moved to Georgia and married my darling wife.  I stopped self medicating and low and behold my personal demons started to arise.  I am not going to delve into the details of the abuse I suffered when I was a child or when I was a young man but just say it was horrible. It left me not trusting anyone sometimes not even me. I went into therapy and it has worked wonders for me and I would urge anyone who feels lost and alone to think about trying it out it just might save your life


.http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-thinks-we-could-save-so-many-lives-if-only-it-was-okay-to-say-4-words?g=2&c=upw1

Just heard the news that my daughter is in the hospital getting ready to delivery grand baby # 4. I love it when the family grows. It makes everyone's hearts a little softer for a time!!

I have been struggling with my emotions a friend lost his wife and I feel very sad for him but we both know they will only be separated for a short time. I have not been able to find anything that makes me happy, I have my music and drawing but I am so bad its not even worth doing it anymore. I get so tried of being the c student and would love someday to have some accomplishments I could be truly proud of. Well enough of the pity me wagon off to work on my novel.