The Edges start

Starting this piece I know will be a shock to some laughter to others but this is how I became who I am. And sorry to my English teachers I have horrible punctuation.

I remember working with my brother in law and not being fast enough for him. I was breaking 50 pound bags of sand into a pot connected to a compressor, connected to a 2 inch hose  he was using to sand blast a steel girder.  Well Ronnie being Ronnie, he would start name calling with stuff like "Come on you little faggot I can get girls to work faster". I really never knew what it was he was complaining about the pot was never empty and he never had to wait on me. I would keep 200 pounds of sand in the pot at all times. Oh did I mention I was 12 at the time? This was not even my first job. That my dear droogies is another tale to tell.

When I was young I did stupid stuff like most kids and an example would be drawing target on my bedroom door and I would use that for my knife throwing practice. Well one day my mom and the landlord where going through the apartment discussing little problems when they saw light coming from my closed door. they proceeded to open it and the yelling started my mother in Irish and "Mr Baker" in German. So after the beating I got from my mother it was decided that I would work for Mr "Baker" to pay for a new door. Mr "Baker" was a baker and the bakery was attached to the front of our apartment. Mom would wake me up at 4 30 and kick me out the door and Mr "Baker" would kick me in the door of the bakery. I was assigned to make dough for doughnuts and pastry. after that was made I was then given a scraper and had to get on the floor and scrape up the dough that had fallen and gotten walked and worn onto the floor.I would try and stay away from the oven and would get caught and told to clean extra good around that. One time as I was sweating up a storm and  I look up and Mr "Baker" pulls a Pepsi out of the cooler and takes a nice long  sip looks at me and say "ah Das is gud" put the Pepsi back in the cooler and laughed at me.

Because I was fatherless I guess Mr "Baker" decided he would be my mentor. One of the first things he did was to give me a copy of Mien Kamph to read and he would test me on it. Oh I did not mention that Mr "Baker" was a Hitler youth.... I had Mr "Baker"s name in my post but thought I better take that out and I replaced it with as you saw Mr Baker hope it was not to much of an annoyance.

4 little words

I saw a video the other day by a 19 year old who stood in front of a large crowd and admitted that he suffers from depression. I admire him for this and he has given me the courage to say the 4 little words.

I Suffer From Depression, I have most of my life and have basically self medicated but all that ended when I moved to Georgia and married my darling wife.  I stopped self medicating and low and behold my personal demons started to arise.  I am not going to delve into the details of the abuse I suffered when I was a child or when I was a young man but just say it was horrible. It left me not trusting anyone sometimes not even me. I went into therapy and it has worked wonders for me and I would urge anyone who feels lost and alone to think about trying it out it just might save your life


.http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-thinks-we-could-save-so-many-lives-if-only-it-was-okay-to-say-4-words?g=2&c=upw1

Just heard the news that my daughter is in the hospital getting ready to delivery grand baby # 4. I love it when the family grows. It makes everyone's hearts a little softer for a time!!

I have been struggling with my emotions a friend lost his wife and I feel very sad for him but we both know they will only be separated for a short time. I have not been able to find anything that makes me happy, I have my music and drawing but I am so bad its not even worth doing it anymore. I get so tried of being the c student and would love someday to have some accomplishments I could be truly proud of. Well enough of the pity me wagon off to work on my novel.

Well it is no fun having a heart attack but it is better then the other option of not discovering my heart problems. Along with a new diet I am exercising 3 days a week and hope to increase that but I am going to take my time. I did not gain all this weight at once and it will take a little to get it off.
What I am hoping to happen is that I start running and I am going to use the Couch Potato to 5k plan.

I lost my Mother several years ago and I still miss her. I know I will see her again but days like today turn me melancholy.

Today I have learned of a new APP and in light of the 3 women who found their freedom I ask any who reads this to download the app and you just might become someones HERO. Watch the video on Elizabeth Smarts blog and then you can decide.




http://elizabethsmartfoundation.org/

The View

The other day I unfortunately had the opportunity to watch the View and the ladies there were talking about the double standard of when a man dates a underage girl compared to a women dating an underage boy. It seems they feel it is ok for a women to abuse boys but man should be locked up. I feel abuse is abuse no matter what the sex is. The scars are the same.

RAPE

All this talk about rape is good to a point it brings the subject out of the dark. The problem lies in that it has touched more people then you realize some you would never think. I don’t know if by joking about it makes it not so terrible but try and remember the victims of rape are not laughing on the inside. They are in pain more pain then you can imagine. Reliving events they had no control over and for some they still do not have any control because of being haunted by the memories. A lot of survivors have to go through therapy their whole lives because they cannot get past it. Some just hide if not in their room inside of themselves afraid to be around people all the time never knowing who to trust.  All I ask is when people bring the subject up to please not make a mockery about it have some heart for the Survivors. And I know I am probably rambling and not grammatically correct but Oh well I had to say something.

Home Teaching

I have been struggling to get my Home teaching in and I came across this App called LDS PLAN and I am going to start using it and will post the pros and the cons. I am putting a link on here so others who want to try it can.

http://www.ldsplan.com/

Well it has been a heck of a couple months. I have been in Therapy  and doing well with that and since that is doing good my body decided it was time for my back to start hurting  isn’t life grand and I suffer through a week of that and oops need something else all the pollen caused me to get infected eyes. Just what I needed another Dr,  Ok now if you think I am complaining I am not all of that above just reminds me that I am still alive and have not fulfilled the purpose. I left my bike club which was one of the hardest and easiest things I have done lately. Now I am just an independent biker and I am able to approach others and testify of our Lord and Savior. Speaking of which … I know the Lord Jesus Christ lives and I truly believe that he came to this earth to make it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father by taking the sins of the world unto himself and paying the price of Atonement for all of us. And I say this in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now as stated before I am and always will be a biker and this gives me an opportunity to talk with other bikers and let them see that I can believe and honor my God and family, and follow the Words of Wisdom the way we should. We can ride and have fellowship and fun without all the drinking and partying

If you ride and know me let’s put some miles on the bikes and find some good BBQ and love the LORD.

just wanted to share this http://youtu.be/tXXwtFWpAI8

I know we all have at one time or another wondered what the heck are we are doing here and what it is we are supposed to be doing. Well I have come to the conclusion I am here to bring in the strays such as myself, or inactive members or just people who would have not normally met a Mormon. Our missionaries do a wonderful job of reaching out to people and teaching them but there are some parts of our society that are invisible and that is where I come in I am comfortable in places like this I fit in! They are the people I grew up with or worked with and even partied with.

What I am going to try and do.

For the longest time I was inactive and just traveled around the country in my Peterbilt moving people from one coast to the other and into Canada, I rode my Harley and partied. My philosophy was Work Hard PARTY HARDER and at this I excelled. I have not changed drastically and people who knew me before will know me now I am just a kinder and cleaner version of their old buddy. I want to show to my fellow strays that you can come home and the people of our church want to be your family and love you, this was the hardest thing for me to understand I would look at myself and think nope  ain’t no one in their right mind would want anything to do with me. I am here to tell you I was WRONG when I came to my current ward I was overwhelmed with welcomes and love, it still took me a little over a year to start going back to church but I did and you can too.

I do have a testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints  is true and that the Lord paved a way for us to return to our Heavenly Father we just have to find the courage to take that first step come with my Brothers and Sisters and lets all walk together!!

I will first state is that whatever I write about are my views and thoughts and feelings. I will be talking about my journey and struggles to come to some sort of terms with my life of being a biker/ex trucker and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My grammar is going to be atrocious and at least spell check will help the readers kind of understand my ramblings and hopefully doing this I might learn something and I pray that somewhere along the way my writings will be of help of others like myself.